That is how it is…
We spent plenty of hours together in the past few days. I thought it would be a chance for us to make up a bit for the times we were apart, a chance for us to start again and regain something that we both knew we were missing. Maybe, I was wrong. I thought we would make it but we didn’t.
The glances we shared were different, the ‘Heys’ and ‘How are you’ were all formal. We talked, giggled, laughed, ate, had a walk and pulled each other’s legs together but all along the only thing I realized was that it had all changed. We brainstormed trying to share the brightest part of our lives, the list of new friends we have made, the recent crush we had, the recent movies we watched, the bits and pieces of our college life and future along with few moments of silence in between when we were out of topics to talk about.
It struck me that I didn’t even try to share the dark side of my life. There were times when we used to speak volumes of the small things that were disturbing us and never got tired of listening to each other. Also, we left no stone un-turned to make each other smile again! This time there was something that was pulling me back that made me think again before sharing it with you and at the end I couldn’t. We used to have secret gossips about those people whom we knew the most over and over again and laughed until our stomachs ached. And today we didn’t even mention the people with whom we used to spend the days with. It was not just me. I could see your eyes clearly reflected that there are things hidden behind and you considered not sharing it with me as if I could never understand! Was it supposed to be like this?
Along the giggles and laughs, didn’t you observe my weary glances or the quieter me, just like the way you used to? Didn’t you notice the curve that fell off my face or the gazes I couldn’t meet with you in the moments of silence we had in between? There was this part of me that wanted to shout at you if you couldn’t see the other part of me struggling behind the big smile. I may have made many new friends but there are times I feel lonely and there are nights where I just really miss you my friend and wish if I could reach out to you to talk to you the same way, to laugh aloud the same way, to gossip around the same way and make each other smile the same way.
As we walked together, I realized with each step we took that the things changed faster than I thought and we were moving ahead leaving behind all the promises we had made and one of the best phase of our life. Maybe, it is difficult to get the things straight, the same way again. I still wonder if it was supposed to end like this. Even our friendship fell victim to the time, I guess!
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